UnHappy Meal

Thanks to Dane Strychnine

Gothiness: 8 Sweatiness: 9

Make no mistake, mortal. These Dark Food Junkies aren't here for the quarterpounder - it's the ribs they want. YOURS! Yes, vanillas, tremble in fear as the proud MiseryGoths feast on your despair. Wisely, they're just in the shadow, away from the harm of the Daystar - but watch that one in the middle, she's got her eye on your chips! Note the futile attempts from other diners to look nonchalant whilst quaking in their flip-flops. Extra points awarded for the overload of makeup and straight-backed corsetry.

Interview

I was interviewed recently for LA Weekly, if you'd like to have a read then simply click here!

Oompa-Loompa Goth

Thanks to Alethea Carr

Gothiness: 7 Jaffa Cake-ness: 8
Alethea writes "My husband was enchanted by my making an appearance on the site, but this heady feeling of love soon turned to envy. As you can see, he has turned his back forever on such mundane pleasures as swimming pools and gardening, preferring the cold comfort of shadow. Together we wallow in unrelenting angst. Actually, he just threatened that if I didn’t sub a picture of him, he’d write poetry at me and put Clan of Xymox on repeat all night." I see your Darker Half still finds time to bathe in carrot juice though, Alethea. Too much time under the rays of the Daystar, clearly.
On another note, this represents the first bespoke modelled shot for GIHW - hooray! more of the same please, chums.

Gothlights

By popular demand, I've moved the highlights video, so here it is - a selection of nearly-rans and not-quite-high-res-enough Goths for your Dark Pleasure...

Where's Normo?

Thanks to Steve Hernandez

Gothiness: 10 Sweatiness: 8
A Friday game for you (albeit a pretty crap one)! Somewhere in this Misery of Goths (I think that's the collective noun, but am prepared to be corrected) stands a terrified Norm! He's been kidnapped and forced to play a macabre version of Where's Waldo - can you find him before his soul gets subsumed by the Dark Side? Can you rescue him before he is forced to watch Rocky Horror and don a basque and suspenders? Will he taste blood and want more, or will you pull him back to his vanilla life and promising career in middle management in time? First to tell me what he's wearing wins no prize at all...

Nobody puts Gothy in a corner!

Thanks to Samantha Blake

Gothiness: 4 Sweatiness: 6
BobyGoth here is clearly not enjoying her time at the Country Club with her folks. What she doesn't know is that Undead Patrick Swayze is just waiting to whisk her off to a secret underground world of Industrialist Grinding and Gothabilly Bumping. Wait till she learns the secret of the 'Stuck in my coffin' move!

p.s. if you don't know how to dance goth, you could a lot worse than follow the step by step education at Lilith Gallery, and especially for anyslyenchanter and Cristina Jiminez (amongst others), I proffer you this piece of Gothy Sexyback from Tank9:

Charidee Bandana

Nothing to do with Goths, this one, but the company I work for has just produced a microsite for Children in Need (UK charity for those of you who don't know). Please visit and buy yourself a Pudsey Bandana - I've got a free copy of the upcoming Goths in Hot Weather book (if the bastard thing ever gets a publisher) for the first of you who can send in a photo of a Pirate Goth wearing one!

LazyGoth

stolen from Getty



Gothiness: 8 Sweatiness: 7
Dear Lord how do I ever watch Lazytown with my daughter again? My mind! My mind is bleeding! Find a happy place, find a happy place, find a happy place...

Around the World in 80 Goths

Thanks to Meghan Gerc

Gothiness: 9 Sweatiness: 8
Eventually our perambulations brought us to a most interesting phonomena; that latest of devices, the photochromatic device, or Camera. My wife, Elpheba, was understandably nervous, having had little experience of the modern day world (being, as it was, raised in New Zealand). I, however, have had much time exploring in both the old and new worlds and was comfortable with the device, indeed I eventually persuaded Elphaba to carry one as a keepsake or portmanteau. The Bashi-Bazouks of Turkland almost delivered me a terrible blow when I attempted to record their dialect on my audio recording device. They seemed to think I wanted to use a certain appendage to make contact on the Marconi telephonic apparatus! All ended happily, though it took some time to translate the word Dictaphone.

Sorry.

Presidential Goth of Approval

Thanks to loads of people

Gothiness: 8 Sweatiness: 9
Yup, that's St Barack, and that's the Spanish PM, and those are his children. His totally, all out Goth-rocking progeny. As teenage Spaniards it is their duty (their DUTY I tell you) to dress this way. Next year they'll be taking a world tour of Goth heritage sites as part of a cultural exchange. They will bring delicious tapas and backpacks with cuddly bears on the zips, and we'll flog them dodgy bangles from Camden Market that make your skin go green.

Gothzilla

Thanks to Missy Reitner

Gothiness: 7 Sweatiness: 8
Run! Run for your lives!

Pumping Goth

Thanks to Noelle McCleaf

Gothiness: 5 Sweatiness: 8
Check out those 68 Guns! These bad boys are just limbering up for a heavy poetry session, presumably involving lengthy discourses on the inner workings of their souls and how ladiee Goths should have the pleasure of their company. What a pair of rhyming couplets!

At Home with the Gothasons

Gothiness: 6 Sweatiness:5
"Goodness dear, this garden's getting messy! Look at those Azalias, they're running wild."
"Like the torment in my soul, they grow through every space. Binding my waking thoughts with the dark matter of their misery, strangling the young shoots of my happiness in the tangleweed of despair. I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds."
"Yes dear. Oooh, is that the kettle boiling?"